Are you sitting comfortably my darlings? Then let me begin.
Murica – the back story
I shall tell you a tale of a faraway land, a magical land. A land they call Murica.
Things in Murica grow huge. Houses, cars and even humans are bigger there than you’d believe. But what really makes Murica magic is the fantastic array of differing people.
You see, Muricans came from all corners of the Earth. Travellers from many nations joined together to create one extraordinary nation, Murica. For many years, this nation was seen as exciting, clever and powerful.
Murica was magical. Murica was great.
Sadly however, with the passing of time, Murica started to change.
Murica – the change
The magic of difference, that had once made Murica so exciting, was considered magic no more. At least, that’s what some Muricans thought.
These idiots seemed to forgot that their strength came from being different. They forgot that being respectful of those differences made them strong and compassionate. They forgot the value of decency. And that, children, is a very, very bad thing indeed.
Instead, the dim started repeating things they’d heard from friends in Inger-land. “We want our country back!” “We want our country back!” Which of course, is a silly thing to say, as their country hadn’t gone anywhere.
Some Muricans, who had been in the country a while, starting to blame new Muricans for a lack of jobs. A dip in the global economy, unfettered greed rogue financial traders, banks and other global institutions were somehow brushed under the carpet. The new Muricans and the peoples of other lands were of course to blame.
Some Muricans started to think that it was ok to be horrible to Muricans that didn’t look like them or think like them. And we all know that this is wrong, don’t we children?
Some Muricans begin to think they were better than other Muricans, or even better than people from other lands. And children, we definitely know that’s wrong, don’t we?
The Big Chief’s job.
Every four years the people of Murica (both good and bad), would vote to choose their be Big Chief.
The job of Big Chief was important. Very important.
Not only did the Big Chief look after all Muricans, but he or she also had a lot of influence in countries right across the planet. You can imagine therefore, how important it was to find the right Big Chief.
The Big Chief, my darlings, needed to be smart, capable, honest, kind, understanding and very experienced in ruling over so many people.
The Big Chief also had to be very level headed and calm. You see, the Big Chief, was also the keeper of Nuclear bombs. These bombs were astonishingly powerful, and if one ever got fired, it would cause unimaginable death and destruction.
Thankfully, these bombs were not normally used. The theory was, that just by having them, the Big Chief could keep troublemakers at bay.
The Golden Troll and the Clever Fairy.
In 2016, the Muricans voted for their Big Chief. Strangely, the choice of people who could be Big Chief included a Golden Troll and a Clever Fairy.
A Golden Troll?
It was strange (even by the standards of a magical land), to have a Troll as Big Chief. This particular Golden Troll really was ill suited for the job. He was constantly angry, said rude things about people who didn’t deserve it, and he was not experienced in the slightest when it came to ruling people. It was also alleged that the Golden Troll had done some very, very bad things. Things a Big Chief should never do.
The Clever Fairy.
The Clever Fairy was different. Mostly.
She had studied for many years and understood about ruling people. She was kind, level headed, hard working, disciplined, wise and she celebrated the fact that Muricans were magical, because they were different.
The Clever Fairy had worked hard as an Assistant Big Chief and travelled round the world working on behalf of the people of Murica. She was also married to a previous Big Chief and had at one time lived in the Big Chief’s house.
Yes my darlings, it was obvious that the Clever Fairy was well suited to be Big Chief. The angry Golden Troll was not.
For a long time before the election, both the Golden Troll and the Clever Fairy talked. They talked endlessly about how they each were perfect for the job. They talked and talked and talked and talked. And for good measure, they talked some more.
In fact, they talked so much that people got sick of listening. They talked so much, that it started to induce voted apathy. That, my darlings, is when voters don’t care. And that my loves, is every bit as dangerous as Nuclear bombs.
When the Golden Troll talked, he would boom and shout. He was the best. The Clever Fairy, he said, was the worst. He claimed that she was bad and had done so very many bad things. He was of course lying. Mostly.
But because he boomed loud and long, people (some people), started to listen to him. The louder the Golden Troll boomed, the more people forgot about the mistakes he’s made, and focused more on the apparent shortcomings of the Clever Fairy.
They forgot about all the good things she had done and had forgotten about the great qualities that made her right for the job.
The Golden Troll was sneaky.
The Golden Troll knew he had a loud voice and he knew that people would listen to it. He also figured out the more he bad mouthed the Clever Fairy, the better he made himself look.
He told lie after lie about her.
We all know that telling lies is bad, don’t we children.
The Golden Troll lied so much that eventually people started to believe everything he said about the Fairy. The Golden Troll would claim that she was corrupt and evil. She wasn’t, of course, mostly. But it’s easier to accuse a mostly innocent person than talk about your own nefarious activities.
Interestingly, the lies peaked when other people accused the Golden Troll of doing some very, very bad things.
What my darlings? Why didn’t people tell him off for lying?
Well my lovelies, some did. They were smart. They could see he was unsuitable to be Big Chief and that the Clever Fairy would’ve been so much better.
Some people were smart. But a lot of people were not.
Some people thought the Golden Troll was right. They thought that the differences in Muricans was not magical. They didn’t like people to be different from them. And they didn’t understand people who were different from them.
Some people liked the Golden Troll, because he was loud. Because he was Golden and because he had amassed a great deal of gold over the years.
People liked gold. It was shiny.
And some people liked the Golden Troll because he had been on TV for many years, so they were familiar with his burnished features.
And some people, my darlings, loved the Golden Troll because he frequently said some very bad things on a regular basis.
What my darlings? Why didn’t they like the Clever Fairy?
Well my loves, sadly the gold and the shouting and the T.V. appearances made the Golden Troll more visible than the Clever Fairy. Some people thought the Troll was honest. He wasn’t. He was rude.
Everywhere the Muricans went, the Golden Troll was there, shouting and lying.
The Clever Fairy was clever. So she didn’t shout. And she didn’t have as much gold as the Troll. And, she was constantly being put down for being a girl.
Now children, we know that is wrong, don’t we?
You see, some people, some very silly people, thought that the Big Chief had to be a man. And we know that thought is silly.
And some people were jealous of the Clever Fairy. She had lived and worked in the Big Chief’s house for many years.
She was also very clever. And people who weren’t clever, didn’t like that. Some people said she was too aloof. It didn’t matter that in reality she approachable, capable and committed.
The last 2 years
Over the last 2 years, the Golden Troll said bad things and the Clever Fairy was harassed for being clever. At one point, the Golden Troll asked his friends to help him smear the fairy with some really big lies.
When really bad news surfaced about the Golden Troll, he tried to make himself look better by telling more lies about the Clever Fairy. But the Golden Troll had a problem. Because he had told so many lies, he knew he would not be believed. So, he ran to his friends at the Foolish Bureau of Insurrection. Or FBI.
The people at the Bureau, were renowned for being clever. Therefore, when the Troll got the Bureau to say bad things about the Clever Fairy, people believed them.
It didn’t matter that later on, the Bureau said the Clever Fairy was innocent.
It was too late.
Some people had already voted for the Troll, because they thought the Clever Fairy was dishonest. Yes, the Clever Fairy wasn’t perfect. But she was a good deal better than the Golden Troll could ever be.
And much of the media in Murica didn’t do their job. They kept saying that the Clever Fairy was unpopular and untrusted. But they never looked at the real reasons why. There were many problems bubbling up in Murica. So, the Troll made the Fairy the scapegoat. And we all know that scapegoating is a bad thing, don’t we children?
Yes, the media, like many Muricans, became indolent and workshy. They stopped looking for the truth and just gobbled up as many lies as they were fed. And that, my darlings is lazy and foolish.
And even though more people voted for the Clever Fairy to become Big Chief, the Golden Troll got elected. A mysterious creature called the Electoral College was to blame. Democracy, it seemed, was a rare and unobtainable beast. But that wasn’t really important in the land of the free. Was it?
So alas, my darlings, my story ends in a bad way.
You see, the Clever Fairy was not elected as Big Chief. The angry, inexperienced Troll was now in charge and the world he ruled had became a more unsettled place.
And that, my loves, is definitely not a fairy tale.
Night night everyone. x x