Fashion Nazis and Fashionistas take note. Freelance writer and fashion misfit, Babu Basu creates a few fashion rules of his very own.
I never did fit in, sartorially speaking.
Because I didn’t wear blue jeans and didn’t wear a certain type of boot, I was something of an outsider. In the sixth form I didn’t wear the same T shirt brands as the ‘cool kids’. You never saw me wearing Doc Martins or Timberland Boots and I only wore trainers (sneakers) during Games. I didn’t look like Goths, Rockers or Sporty types. I was different and that was that.
I spent much of my teenage years being told what I should and shouldn’t wear. From the outside, I listened attentively. Inwardly, I would roll my eyes and wish for the ghosts of Coco Chanel and Liberace to spirit away these ‘fashion advisers’.
Well now I am old enough, strong enough and yes, wise enough to have my own sense of style. My individuality is now a strength and it helps me see things a little differently – essential if you’re a Copywriter. So, for all you Fashionistas and Fashion Nazis out there, here are a few new fashion rules to live by:
Babu’s rules of Fashion:
Fashion rule 554: Hat if you dare, don’t if you don’t.
There is nothing fascinating about a Fascinator. Either you have the courage to wear a hat, or, you don’t.
Don’t pretend to be elegant, be elegant.
Fashion rule 555: Say NO to clogs.
The only people who should be allowed to wear clogs are Cheese makers and the Dutch. Or if you insist, Dutch Cheese makers.
You see, these clumpy shoes do not flatter, they flatten (anything in their path).
Fashion rule 556: No Lowriding underwear / trousers please.
Wearing your underwear and /or trousers (‘pants’ if you’re from North America) halfway down your buttocks does not imply that you are a dude – unless you take the word ‘dude’ to mean a Camel’s foreskin. (Source – urbandictionary.com)
There is nothing faintly alluring about Lowriding, and I have asked everyone – men, women, camels. Seriously, not a good look. As NO ONE, is turned on by this look (and I really have asked) I know it doesn’t appeal.
So why do it?
1) Is it to shock?
Quite possibly. It shocks me that people think this is appropriate behaviour. I don’t want to see your bits, or the promise of them as you saunter down the street. Save that behaviour for bedroom.
2) Is it to fit in?
Apparently, this whole shambolic situation started in American prisons. It is alleged that inmates would wear their trousers (pants) very low to show they were the possessions/property/prison bitches of other inmates.
Still want to fit in with this group? I didn’t think so.
Fashion rule 557: You’ve heard about the Ipad, the Ipod, well here’s the Eyesore.
I don’t care how politically incorrect it is to say this but, “Fat people should never wear Jeggings.”
There, I’ve said it. In fact, no one should! (For the uninitiated [or fortunate], Jeggings are Leggings made to look like Jeans).
When the amply fed subject us to Jeggings, we see a lot more of the body than is appropriate in public. The phrase, “I’ve seen too much”, comes to mind. (This also applies to Fashion rule 556).
Ladies, from the waist down, would you be seen in just tights? For the larger lady, that’s what Jeggings become.
Fashion rule 558: Comfort ‘v’ Style
There is no need to choose one over the other. You do not have to dress like a scarecrow to dress comfortably. The implication that ‘the smartly dressed’ are uncomfortably dressed is nonsense! They just have the foresight to wear clothes that fit.
Fashion rule 559: Avoid colour and cut fascism.
Do not feel obliged (forced) to wear a colour just because a few scheming people in the boardrooms of Milan, London and Paris etc tell you that colour is a must have this season. It isn’t. Must Haves are food, shelter, health and if you’re lucky, happiness.
And why, pray tell, is an outfit that looks good on you, considered not as suitable as it was last year, or even last season?
I do have a few relatives that are fashion designers, so please forgive me Paria Shirvani (whose stylings can be found at pariashirvani.com). But, to paraphrase Coco Chanel, “Fashion is not important, style is.”
Fashion rule 560: All crocs are frightening – be they reptile or footwear.
Crocs (those ghastly rubber clog /gel shoes) are not and should not be permitted – unless of course you make cheese (please note Fashion rule 555). What you wear in the comfort of your own home is your business, but if you’re in public, keep those hideous extras from a horror movie (think the mask in the Halloween films) away from my very soul. (Watch me shudder as I move swiftly away).
Fashion rule 561: Flip flop off.
Outside of the pool, the beach and some very hot countries, flip flops should not be worn by grown ups. Seriously people, apart from the very inelegant clack clack clack noise when you walk, when is it practical to wear flip flops in England, in the middle of town and on a cold day? It is bad enough when women wear them, but when men wear them, I am at a loss for words.
In hot countries they serve a practical purpose, but in the UK, they’re frequently a sign of acute laziness.
And Fashion rule 562: Don’t be a fashion victim.
This rule is the most important and to me is just plain common sense. Never (and I’ll say it again for those who weren’t listening), NEVER feel pressured to wear something that is in fashion IF IT DOESN’T SUIT YOU!!!!!!!!
This applies to the cut of clothing, the colour and the size.
And who cares that you’re a size 18? It is far better to be a well dressed size 18 then a fool trying to cram themselves into a size 12.
Fashion is by definition a fickle creature. Shops sell stock, we buy it. It is up to us to buy wisely. I think it was the buxom Comedian, the late Marti Caine, who said, “I woke up one morning and realised that my boobs had gone out of fashion.”
So, unless you’re a modelling scout, do not worry that a body shape is no longer ‘the in thing’. How you carry yourself is far more important.