Seetal Kumari is the Managing Director of www.dateme-ifyoucan.co.uk, the new bespoke dating website for savvy, smart, sexy singles looking for love. As a savvy and sexy single herself, Seetal argues the case for Someone Right versus Someone Right Now.
(Written by Babu Basu)
OK. So we’re busy. It’s official.
The British work the longest hours in Europe. We work hard, we play hard and we try and see our friends and family as often as we can.
With modern life being so full on, when exactly are we supposed to fit in time for dating? And if we do find time for romance, do we have time to be really fussy? Should we be hanging on for Mr/Ms Right or hanging out with Mr/Ms Right Now? Happily, there is more than one right answer:
Someone Right/Someone Special:
‘Someone special’ is the holy grail of dating. You’ve found perfection.
The almost mythical ‘perfect partner’ is someone who instantly understands you and everything you are about. Someone who inspires you to be creative, clever and witty and someone who makes you sparkle.
In short, it’s someone who makes you feel like a superstar.
Fantastic you say. Where can I get one?
Unfortunately, perfection is exceedingly hard to come by. And some would say that it doesn’t exist.
There is very real danger that in the quest for that mythical perfect partner (who may never arrive), we shut out actual potential partners who are ‘almost perfect’.
Someone Right Now:
If you’re on a continuous round of unsuccessful dates, it’s easy to get disheartened. It’s also dangerous and depressing to be trapped in relationship that you know is going nowhere. But before you throw in that dating towel, give Mr or Ms ‘Right Now’ a break. They could be a lot of fun.
If you’ve been single for a while, or even if you’ve recently come out of a relationship, having someone on your arm can do wonders for your confidence.
It’s great to feel desirable again. And dating someone is a chance to learn more about yourself and what you really want.
And maybe, just maybe, with time and friendship, ‘Someone Right Now’ becomes, ‘Someone Right’.
Great! So now what?
Start the dating process. Meet new people. If you’re short of time, and looking for a laugh, give speed dating a go. It’s a fun way of meeting many interesting people in concentrated bursts. It’s a low risk but potentially high reward strategy for getting great dates.
So get out there, have fun and meet new people. Then decide for yourself whether it’s better to date, ‘Someone Right’, or ‘Someone Right Now’.
Internet dating is great for finding Mr./Ms. Right Now, but Mr./Ms. Right? I’m skeptical (and I’ve blogged on this subject a bit)
Hi dadshouse,
You could well be right. I think the main thing is to get out there and give it a go.
I think half the fun (and fuss) is in the journey, not just the destination.
Babu
I think one of the biggest struggles for women is that they are so focused on their destination (relationship blueprint as I call it). Then it’s a matter of finding a guy that is acceptably close, ensuring there’s chemistry and then proceeding to change him mercilessly so that he fits the relationship blueprint.
Problem 1. Focusing on the destination draws attention away from having fun in the now. By realising things aren’t already ‘ideal’ (according to the relationship blueprint) the woman lives in a constant state of dissatisfaction… and the guy can feel it.
Problem 2. Chemistry is a physiological response a woman feels when a genetically suitable guy (in terms of breeding) is close to her. Many women mistake this for an indication of ‘long term partner suitability’ which simply isn’t the case. In fact ‘chemistry’ actually shuts down the analytical intellect meaning that potential faults and shortfalls are not recognised until after the chemistry has subsided. Hence women ‘waking up’ and realising their boyfriend isn’t actually what they really want. The next step is…
Problem 3. Changing the guy into what she thinks she wants (according to the relationship blueprint). Any guy reading this will know what I’m talking about and how it sucks. I know I’ve walked away from a few women thinking that if they need to change me – its because they don’t think I’m good enough. Byeeeeee…
Best wishes,
Adam.
Hi Adam,
Thanks.
I know where you’re coming from.
Your email highlights one glaring issue for me:
Relationships are tough.
Whether you’re trying to get into one, trying to last the course or exiting quick smart, relationships can be horrendous.
I think of myself as a romantic realist. I like the hearts and flowers, but I know that things can go bad.
I understand the point about woman having a relationship blueprint – and that’s a great term. But, shock horror, us guys have one too!
And ‘chemistry’, don’t get me started on how that particular phenonemon has got me into trouble. But you’re absolutely right, when chemistry kicks in, logic goes out of the window.
I don’t have an any easy answer, other than to say, ‘know yourself’.
Understand your own relationship blueprint.
Find out what is important to you. Know what you want and what you definitely won’t put up with.
The good thing about relationship failures, is that they can give us the opportunity to learn and avoid those mitakes in the future.
I know it’s painful when things go wrong (believe me, I know). But, if you are honest with yourself and with others, you are more likely to find the right blueprint for you
.
Good luck Adam.
Babu